Aaaah 2012, the year I have looked forward to for 2 very particular reasons- Sherlock series 2 and The Hobbit Part 1. Yes, that really is it. Not the Olympics. Sorry, I’m not a fan, regardless of whether the best athletes in the world will happen to be walking around London this year. Yes I am a miserable cynic who reckons that, on the whole, it will be shit.
With a new year comes a new start for many as people make resolutions to watch their weight, exercise more, read more etc. etc. I would like to talk about why I don’t like to call these things ‘resolutions’ on account of the fact that as soon as you say that, you’re more than likely doomed to fail to complete it. Or at least, I definitely am. Over the last few years I have made countless attempts at resolutions from the likes of ‘cut out crap foods’, ‘lose weight’, ‘try to eat healthier’ (every permutation of that sentiment, believe me) to ‘read more proper books’ to ‘do work as soon as it is set, not the night/hour before it is due’. Generally, it’s safe to say that I failed A LOT on every single one of them. I often wonder whether it is just the fact that when you attach a word of significance to something, it adds pressure to you to do it – whether this pressure actually aids of hinders my efforts isn’t up for debate. Undoubtedly, it hinders it.
That being said, I’m going to make a ‘concerted effort’ I shall call it, to enact some changes. Not ‘resolutions’, noooo, that word is henceforth banished! I hope to do the following this year:
- Organise my time better – to ensure work isn’t always done the night before it’s due and I still have time to do the things I like.
- Watch more new films – I tend to obsess over old favourites but I ought to remember that every ‘old favourite’ was once a ‘new film’ to me. Same goes for TV shows and books.*
- Try to be more optimistic/less anxious – do not think of what can go wrong in any given situation, instead just do it and see what happens.*
*This, I think, is worth reflection. Because it’s not just about books/films/tv shows, it reveals something deeper about my character I reckon. I am, by nature, someone who likes to be settled. Any new situation causes me to be anxious, to think of everything that could go wrong about it and, because of that, I shy away from new things/people/experiences. It’s not healthy for me, it means I get stuck in a rut. I wish I wasn’t like that. I think it’s a self-esteem thing, I worry that I will fail or not enjoy something so, to save myself that negative reaction, I just don’t take the plunge. Clearly, that isn’t good. I need to let go of the anxieties I create. I need to… live more. As Oscar Wilde said (in one of my favourite quotes in the sidebar): “To live is the rarest thing in the world. Most people exist, that’s all.”
The Terror of Knowing 