Strictly Saturdays | The One With Valentina and Santiago

This might be a bit of an odd post. For one thing, we have a guest in our household and therefore a guest contributor to tonight’s Strictly post – our friend from university, Cathy. Cathy’s famous quote “Geographers don’t get lost, they merely explore” features proudly on Liz’s blog and it’s very, very nice to have her here with us for this weekend. We have already warned her about the intense dislike we hold for Laura and she has agreed she doesn’t much care for her, so she passed that test.

Now onto the more pertinent reason for why this post might be a little odd – earlier, after a very successful evening spent shivering in the cold whilst watching drummers and people larking about a bit too blasé-ly with fire, we then watched Liverpool’s Bonfire Night fireworks show on Albert Dock. And now I’m suffering the after effects of the cold by sneezing every few seconds… which makes typing a little difficult. So this might be patchy, let’s see, shall we?

Liz: Ohh Claudia. I feel like the thigh split in Claudia’s dress is very daring.

Cathy: I absolutely love Claudia.

Emma: Ooof Danny looks good wearing braces.

Liz: [sighs at the mere sight of Natalie]

Danny Mac and Oti Mabuse Jive to ‘Long Tall Sally’ (x)

Emma: I feel like this dance was made for Danny’s style.

[silence whilst everyone watches]

Liz: Aww I really liked that.

Emma: Len has realised that ‘back’ rhymes with ‘Mac’, oh dear.

Cathy: Bruno’s already over-excited.

Liz: Oh, he’s abusing him again.

Emma: Darcy is fanning herself in response to this dance.

Cathy: Hmm Darcy has been drinking from Bruno’s water.

Liz: I want 10s.

Craig: 9 | Darcey: 10 | Len: 9 | Bruno: 10 | Total: 38

Daisy Lowe and Aljaz Skorjanec Viennese Waltz to ‘Daisy Bell’ (x)

Liz: Ohh that’s a nice dress.

Emma: I know she’s acting but she looks really happy to still be here and dancing.

Liz: Oh I see what they did with the song.

Emma: Look at Aljaz’s face, so proud of himself for choreographing a bicycle looking move into the dance.

Craig: 8 | Darcey: 8 | Len: 9 | Bruno: 9 | Total: 34

Ore Oduba and Joanne Clifton Salsa to ‘Turn The Beat Around’ (x)

Emma: That’s an interesting t-shirt, Ore.

Cathy: I get the impression it is more natural for woman to salsa.

Emma: Yeah because of the hip movement.

Emma: I’m kind of sick of the lifts though, I mean they’re great but…

Liz: I feel like this isn’t his dance.

Emma: Oh, Len’s been looking at Ore’s bum apparently.

Craig: 8 | Darcey: 8 | Len: 9 | Bruno: 9 | Total: 34

Ed Balls and Katya Jones Quickstep to ‘Help!’ (x)

Liz: Right, they’re actually quickstepping, which is already better than Laura’s quickstep.

Emma: [sigh] The audience are clapping again.

Liz: They’ve forgotten to dance in the middle of this.

Emma: “That was great!” says Darcy. Always the note of surprise. “When travelling, the lightness was not what I was expecting”, again, a backhanded compliment.

Craig: 6 | Darcey: 7 | Len: 7 | Bruno: 7 | Total: 27

Laura Whitmore and Giovanni Pernice Samba to ‘Bamboleo’ (x)

Cathy: They’re wearing all the sequins from Topshop.

Liz: There’s a red carpet but they’re not even dancing on it.

Cathy: She’s pulling all of Judge Rinder’s faces.

Liz: Right he’s doing all the dancing there. She’s just standing and moving her shoulders.

Emma: She can’t actually dance that much…?

Cathy: Giovanni is very good at choreographing it so you can’t really tell.

Emma: Craig’s onto them, he just said Gio was the one that did the big spin moment at the end and why didn’t he choreograph Laura her own bit.

Cathy: It kind of defeats the object with Strictly.

Liz: If the professional is doing all the dancing? Yeah, of course he can fucking dance, it’s his job.

Craig: 7 | Darcey: 8 | Len: 8 | Bruno: 9 | Total: 32

Judge Rinder and Oksana Platero Quickstep to ‘It Don’t Mean A Thing’ (x)

Emma: Oh his face is going already.

[we were momentarily distracted by the appearance of Gorka clapping]

Craig: 8 | Darcey: 9 | Len: 8 | Bruno: 8 | Total: 33

Note: Apparently we chose not to comment much on Judge Rinder’s dance. Possibly because it was alright so we didn’t feel the need to bitch? Who knows.

Louise Redknapp and Kevin Clifton Argentine Tango to ‘Tanguera’ (x)

Emma: Ohh I don’t really want to see Kevin’s chest!!

Liz: When he’s got stubble he’s very different.

Emma: I think I quite fancy his alter-ego, Santiago though!

Liz: I think this sis gonna be good.

Cathy: Very Kim K hairstyle.

Emma: Oh the faces, I feel like I’m seeing faces I shouldn’t see.

Liz: That was good, that was really good.

Cathy: Valentina did a very good job.

Emma: “Your footwork is better than your husband’s” says Tess. Oooo burn!

Liz: I loved that. 10s! I want 40.

Emma: I want 10s for Louise but mostly for Kevin.

Craig: 9 | Darcey: 10 | Len: 10 | Bruno: 10 | Total: 39

Liz: Look at Kevin, look at his little face!

Greg Rutherford and Natalie Lowe Viennese Waltz to ‘You Don’t Own Me’ (x)

Cathy: I think Milo beat you to the Christmas jumper, Liz.

Liz: Sack Natalie, bring in Milo. […] He’s tucked his arse in.

Cathy: Aww you can see him spotting.

Emma: Little boy has learnt.

Cathy: I can see him spotting to the detriment of anything else in his face.

Emma: Yeah you really can.

Craig: 8 | Darcey: 8 | Len: 8 | Bruno: 8 | Total: 32

Emma: It was a very… sexy dance for a Viennese Waltz, I’m not sure I liked that about it.

Claudia Fragapane and AJ Pritchard Paso Doble to ‘Shut Up and Dance’ (x)

Cathy: Oh is this the last couple?

Liz: Bit late for them isn’t it? Past their bedtime.

Emma: Isn’t a paso a bit… intense for him?

Liz: He’s got stubble again!

Cathy: Sure that’s not just a shadow?

Emma: This is going to be the cutest paso I’ve seen with them using this song.

Liz: You can tell it’s his favourite dance.

Emma: Aww it’s AJ’s birthday.

Cathy: What, is he 12?

Emma: He isn’t 22.

Craig: 8 | Darcey: 8 | Len: 8 | Bruno: 9 | Total: 33

Liz: Overall, we’re very pleased that people seem to be noticing that Laura can’t really dance. And Louise finally got her 10 that she deserved!

Emma: And we loved her argentine tango. We’re so glad she did well on the dance that Kevin loves.

Results Show
To come, tomorrow night…

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