The Terror of Knowing

It’s that time of year again – dust off your ballgowns, get out those sequins and glitter I know you have, or just get the snacks in and settle down for this year’s Strictly Come Dancing. That’s right folks, everyone’s favourite prime-time British TV show is back! No, not Bake Off, the other one – the one where celebrities of varying degrees of apparent “fame” are paired up with dancers who have the thankless task of teaching them how to stop tripping over their feet and actually look graceful instead.

For this year’s Strictly, I happen to be in the fortune position of officially living with a fellow Strictly Come Dancing fan. This means only one thing – doubled-up live-blogging… because just bitching comments to each other verbally clearly isn’t enough – in this technological age, they must be recorded for posterity’s sake. So… that’s what this thing is.

Here’s how it works:
Each week myself and Liz are bringing you a tag-team live-blog of Strictly Come Dancing. We are alternating whose blog it is posted on so if you want to keep up-to-date with our clearly deeply insightful commentaries, then you should make sure you’re following both of our blogs. (/end shameless promotion)

In case you missed it last week’s recap can be found here on Liz’s blog. This week, it’s Blackpool! I think Blackpool needs no introduction, everyone knows making it to Blackpool and getting to dance in the Tower Ballroom is a true honour and perk of making it this far in Strictly. Let’s get dancing…

Emma: The irony of this entire beginning VT is that anyone who has ever been to Blackpool will tell you how grim it is.

Liz: (as Natalie appears as the focus of pro dance): Oh ffs.

Emma: Oh god, I always feel worried when they let the celebs join in with the pro dance.

Liz: Claudia is still shorter than most of them, haha.

Emma: That’s smart, they’ve kept Ed on a chair so he doesn’t have to dance.

Liz: Oh.

Emma: Oh, Danny.

Liz: You can’t spot him out, he fits right in with the pros.

Emma: Louise with her feather again.

Liz: GORKA!

Emma: Ooh I like Darcy’s dress.

Liz: She does look stunning.

Emma: Craig throwing in some crowd-pleasing turns.

---

Claudia and AJ Jive to ‘Hey Mickey’ (watch here)

(as AJ turns round showing the ’10’ on his shirt)
Liz: Oh I see what they did there.

Emma: They look freezing.

Liz: She can’t get on a fucking donkey. (cackles)

The Dance: 
Emma: I was going to say something quite mean…

Liz: She’s bouncing like she knows she should do that in the jive but it doesn’t quite look right.

Emma: I don’t think she’s so much bouncing as bobbing.

Liz: I didn’t think that was that good.

Emma: Nah, not really. It was fine but it wasn’t A-MA-ZING or anything.

Judging:
Liz: There’s Dave Arch and his band! Look at him and his little wave! I think Dave should get a knighthood.

Emma: Bruno, sit down.

Liz: I feel like they watched a different dance. There were very little flicks and kicks, it was bobbing not bouncing, I just don’t understand.

Emma: Neither do I, it was just ‘fine’, I mean it resembled a jive and there was a lot of…

Scores: 9, 9, 9, 9 – 36

Liz: oooh! No, why did you back out of shot, Gorka, come back… there we go! AJ, move to the side a bit, block Gio a bit if you want.

Emma: Why is Peter Kay there? I didn’t realise he was still… around.

---

Ore & Joanne Viennese Waltz to ‘That’s Life’ (watch here)

Emma: “Blackpool: The Vegas of the North”… jesus christ, I don’t even need to make a comment…

Liz (seeing the Spinmaster machine): Omg I want one.

The Dance:
Liz: NEIL!!

Emma: Liz gets very excited when she sees Neil join in.

Liz: Have they just done a mannequin challenge in the middle of this dance?

Emma: I love this song.

Liz: I’m getting distracted by the flap on the back of his suit.

Emma: Can I say something controversial? I don’t think that was their best dance.

Liz: No, and it looked like he was gonna be sick coming out of that last spin.

Emma: The character and acting during it was great.

Judging:
Emma: They love the fucking fleckles don’t they.

Scores: 8, 10, 10, 10 – 38

Liz: Fuck off. I’m sorry but that was not as good as Danny Mac’s dance from last week, not even nearly as good.

Emma: Oh he’s crying again. No one is surprise.

---

Louise and Kevin Paso Doble to ‘Explosive’ (watch here)

Emma: I’m not sure how I feel about the fact that I think Kevin looks hot in eyeliner.

Liz: She looks stunning.

Emma: I concur. I love this baroque-y style anyway in dresses and materials and this is gorgeous.

The Dance:
Emma: Well they’ve certainly went for the drama of it. I’m a little too into the thrones and I’m alarmed by how hot I’m finding Kevin right now sit there.

Liz: I love that dress.

Emma: She’s not aggressive enough, oh noooo. Stop smiling and enjoying yourself Louise!

Liz: That was good.

Emma: I loved that concept, just all the baroque and flash. So dramatic and confident.

Judging:
Liz: Awww Jamie’s there!

Emma: Is he crying? Omg.

Liz: 40, 40, 40, 40!

Scores: 9, 9, 10, 10 – 38

---

Danny and Oti Charleston to ‘Putting On The Ritz’ (watch here)

Emma: Oh I forgot it was a Charleston!

Liz: Yeah, to Putting on the Ritz.

Emma: Oh, yeah! Oof. Did he just wink. Inappropriate.

The Dance:
Emma: Whaaaaat- that side-by-side one-handed cartwheel!

(Liz’s mouth is still open from that…

And remained open for the rest of the dance, as did mine, as we have nothing further to say that a stunned sort of silence.)

Liz: Just gonna say that might be my favourite Strictly dance ever.

Emma: You can tell when we really like a dance because we don’t comment sarcy things on it.

Judging:
Liz: That’s definitely a ten from Darcy.

Emma: They all seemed to love it. Rightfully so.

Liz: I feel nervous about what Craig is going to say.

Emma: They got a ‘fab-u-lous’ from Craig!

Liz: Surely that’s gotta be 40, if ever there was a 40 dance. Oti’s gonna shit herself if she gets a 40, I can’t wait!

Scores: 10, 10, 10, 10 – 40

Emma: I wish you could all see Liz’s face right now.

Liz: Look at them!

---

Ed and Katya Jive to ‘Great Balls of Fire’ (watch here)

Liz: Do you think they’ll ever get over 30?

Emma: No way, unless Bruno gets over-excited and accidentally gives 8. But even then it’d be 3 7s and an 8 so wouldn’t break 30.

Liz: Ohh he can actually really play piano. I’m impressed.

The Dance:
Emma: Omg he’s actually like kicking.

Liz: There’s more kicks in this than that monstrosity before.

… I feel like monstrosity is a bit harsh, I take it back.

Emma: Aaah I didn’t need to see his crotch do that! THis isn’t very fast really is it?

Liz: Oh, he’s in time though!

Judging:
Emma: Show us the wife, Yvette, Yvette! There she is!

Liz: She looks so embarrassingly proud of him. He is the best worst dancer they’ve ever had.

Emma: “I have to admit, much to my surprise, most of it looked like a jive” says Bruno. He aint wrong.

Scores: 4, 6, 7, 6 – 23

---

Greg and Natalie Quickstep to ‘Hand Jive’ (watch here)

Liz: I love the quickstep so I’m going to do my best to hold onto the ‘if you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say it’ policy.

Emma: You’re really trying, aren’t you?

The Dance:
Liz: Did I spot Neil??? Yeah, I did, yay Neil!

Emma: I’m going to need a bit of actual hand jiving action going on. There we go… thank you!

Liz: WHY’S SHE BLOCKING NEIL!?!?!?!

(Emma: I wish you could appreciate the volume at which Liz suddenly yelled this.)

Judging:
Liz: Right, he did long jump Natalie, there’s a reason he’s got natural spring!

Emma: I did think it was a little bit bouncy…

Liz: So did I but it’s his literal job to be jumpy.

Scores: 8, 8, 8, 8 – 32

Liz (murmurs): It’s all her fault, it’s her choreography.

---

Judge Rinder & Oksana Salsa to ‘Spice Up Your Life’ (watch here)

Emma: I really hope this is good. It’s the right dance and couple to end on in Blackpool.

Liz: Oh, “a real privilege to dance in front of my grandparents”, I forgot about his grandad!!

Emma: It’s when he says things like “tenuous” and “absurd” and “oh for goodness sake!” “quite enough, I think” that I do believe him and Benedict Cumberbatch are friends.

The Dance:
Emma: Oh Craig’s going to hate what his face did there.

Liz: Neil’s back!

Emma: Not quite sure I needed to see Judge Rinder shake his arse like that.

Liz: I don’t feel like I’ve got an opinion on it because I just spent the dance watching Neil in the background.

Judging:
Emma: “Hip tastic” says Craig. “booty shakes”…

Liz: I feel like he’s grown on Craig.

Emma: He called him “Judge Grinder”… Is this flirting, is that what we’re seeing?

Emma: Yes, Rinder, that is how you respond appropriately to judges’ comments by saying Len “knows what he’s talking about”. Yes, respectful and correct. Thank you.

Scores: 8, 9, 8, 8 – 33

---

Overall:
Liz: I thought that Danny deserves a 40. Louise should have scored higher. Claudia should have scored lower. And Neil stole the show.

Emma: I’ve never quite realied your love for Neil was strong, somehow. I agree on all of the above points, especially that Louise was undermarked – I adore Pasos and Kevin always choreographs amazing pasos for Blackpool, it’s why I love seeing the Cliftons at Blackpool.

 

Until next time….keep dancing!

---

Results Show

Coming Soon!